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Rating: 8 votes, 4.63 average.

What really happened on 11/12/10

Posted 11-26-2010 at 06:20 PM by Son of Liberty
Updated 11-26-2010 at 06:47 PM by Son of Liberty
Colossus was driving, he was the only experienced Warthog operator. I was riding shotgun providing navigational details and operational information. Ben was riding behind Colossus, scanning the sides for any form of movement. It was dark, the road was empty the houses were quiet. It was a typical patrol. After getting much needed supplies from 321 we set out for the LZ at 5 Dxtr and await pickup. As we rode on things seemed eerie..too quiet. While I was updating our GPS and SATCOM feed I saw headlights. Since we were only in a lightly armored recon version of the Warthog we were very exposed. We value movement and speed over firepower. I yelled out to Colossus to watchout, before we knew it we impacted another vehicle. We were under the impression that this sector was under UNSC control, we were about to realize our intel was off. My vision was blurry, luckily the air bag plus the recon helmet saved me from getting hurt too bad. I grabbed my rifle and fell out of the mangled mess. Colossus and Ben were already engaged. The combatants were unknown to me, we were in the open with limited supplies, limited ammo and virtually no way of calling for reinforcements. It became apparent that we were up against something big. Transformers. ****. Megatron threw the chunk of metal that we called cover and started firing pulse rounds at us. Fortunately enough for us we are highly skilled recon snipers. We started firing off anti-material rounds from our sniper rifle and began leap frogging back towards some cover. At that point we could hear more movement, there was AQ all over our sector. Then a light in the sky, we thought they were Pelicans but we were wrong. Remember those weird flying robot things from Terminator? Yeah it was one of those. **** got real. Within ten minutes our rifles clacked with the ominous sound of having no rounds left. Drawing my ninja sword I prepared to stab my fellow recon snipers and myself to go out with honor and not die by the enemy but that's when Jack rode in on an Ickran (the flying thing from Avatar) with a whole force of Space Marines (like from Doom) and a host of other cool things you see in video games, including but not limited to:
Master Chief
Jason Bourne
Sgt. Foley
Viktor Reznov
Dimitri Martin
Thomas the Tank engine
Deuce and Dusty from MoH
Michael Westen
Bruce Campbell
The guy from Reading Rainbow
And Texx

We destroyed the **** out of the transformers, AQ and terminators. Marcus Fenix chainsawed the **** out of Osama Bin Laden, he ****ing cut his **** into like 4 different chunks and ate them, then **** them out within 30 seconds, it was ri-god-damn-diculous. It was a piece of cake. After the whole thing was over we called in MAC gun strikes and Napalm drops all over the place, **** got ****ed. But it was super cool. So cool we roasted ****ing marshmellows on the charred AQ bodies and then pissed then out, only to relight them to eat pork hotdogs on...haha take that (insert joke here about pork) I forgot, for those of you not cool enough to know what AQ means and for those not Tier One enough to speak only in acronyms it means Al Qaeda. Then super hot babes met us at base and we drank copious amounts of liquor and did other things that aren't PG rated.

The end...

And since I'm still recovering from the mild memory loss associated with the incident James Blunt's song "Matt Curnutte is amazing and saved the world from cosmic destruction" is about me and the events that happened...Zach Ault also went on to cover the song and it reached #1 on US and UK singles chart.
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Total Comments 17


  1. Old
    Carnival's Avatar
    IT"S beautiful!!!
    Posted 11-26-2010 at 06:44 PM by Carnival Carnival is offline
    Updated 11-26-2010 at 06:52 PM by Carnival
  2. Old
    Texx's Avatar
    You left out the part where I went back in time and knocked up the Spice Girls, thus creating the most diabolically evil family of musicians since the Osmonds.
    Posted 11-26-2010 at 07:24 PM by Texx Texx is offline
  3. Old
    Clark's Avatar
    Where'd you get the mushrooms?
    Posted 11-26-2010 at 08:42 PM by Clark Clark is offline
  4. Old
    Soothsayer's Avatar
    Were you trying my suppressant/stimulant test?
    Posted 11-26-2010 at 08:49 PM by Soothsayer Soothsayer is offline
  5. Old
    Kitten's Avatar
    You watch too much TV.
    Posted 11-26-2010 at 09:58 PM by Kitten Kitten is offline
  6. Old
    Phoenix's Avatar
    I loved the story...the original one...
    Posted 11-26-2010 at 10:07 PM by Phoenix Phoenix is offline
  7. Old
    Swimmer's Avatar
    This was the exact one, yet improved, from the night of the DW. The best since the first Harry Potter...
    Posted 11-26-2010 at 10:14 PM by Swimmer Swimmer is offline
  8. Old
    Carnival's Avatar
    You don't understand man! You weren't there!
    Posted 11-26-2010 at 10:25 PM by Carnival Carnival is offline
    Updated 11-26-2010 at 11:18 PM by Carnival
  9. Old
    Cody Chaos's Avatar
    at first i was like.. woah! but then i got to super hot babes met you at the base i learned it was just for fun, cause hot babe dont meet up at the base.. the meet up at the gas station before the base, so you take them to the base in style.. duh, lol but i enjoyed it
    Posted 11-27-2010 at 01:16 AM by Cody Chaos Cody Chaos is offline
  10. Old
    Torque's Avatar
    Another fresh bowl of Matt's boner soup
    Posted 11-27-2010 at 02:14 AM by Torque Torque is offline
  11. Old
    D-Boy's Avatar
    Most of the story is black markered out.
    Posted 11-27-2010 at 10:01 AM by D-Boy D-Boy is offline
  12. Old
    ilvfly's Avatar
    you left out the part where you were captured and raped with sticks.
    Posted 11-27-2010 at 12:06 PM by ilvfly ilvfly is offline
  13. Old
    Desert-Fox's Avatar
    Needs more boner soup.
    And bacon.
    Posted 11-27-2010 at 05:55 PM by Desert-Fox Desert-Fox is offline
  14. Old
    Scorch's Avatar
    I liked the part where there was writing.
    Posted 11-27-2010 at 10:59 PM by Scorch Scorch is offline
    Updated 11-27-2010 at 11:03 PM by Scorch
  15. Old
    Desert-Fox's Avatar
    I liked the part where there was writing
    I see what you've done there...
    Posted 11-28-2010 at 01:15 AM by Desert-Fox Desert-Fox is offline
  16. Old
    knightmare's Avatar
    You forgot to mention President Comacho and his AA12, Reb Brown, Antione Dodson, and Chris Costa.
    Posted 11-28-2010 at 01:40 AM by knightmare knightmare is offline
  17. Old
    HayStack's Avatar
    Knightmare, you couldn't possibly add the big three to this story?.?...???.?

    Anywho,glad the SPEAR members made it safely out of the situation. To the other driver, down in flames!
    Posted 11-30-2010 at 06:33 PM by HayStack HayStack is offline

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