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Guide To Becoming that "ANG"

Posted 07-05-2010 at 05:36 PM by mr_kong
Updated 07-06-2010 at 02:03 PM by mr_kong
I posted this on the forum awhile ago and it got closed due to... cry babies.

Anyway, you all who have been around long enough know that this is true, whether you like it or not.
Quote:
The guide to becoming "That Annoying new Guy"


Noobs, Newbies, FNGS, pricks, Minors and asshats. We all have names for those posters who inhabit airsoft forums. We all know the ones, those posters who come out of nowhere, but shake the place up in such a way that before you can type WTF, there is a new cowboy in town with a high post count and something to prove.

What follows is the definitive guide to being "That Annoying New Guy" on the forums. It should be informative, revealing and most of all, I hope, entertaining.

Here is the guide to being "That Annoying New Guy" (For ease of communication, for the sake of this guide it shall be abbreviated to ANG from now on.) presented in a step by step fashion.

Preliminary Step; Stupid Forum name.(Optional)

Now there are different ways for the ANG to practice his art. Some choose to do so by stealth, choosing a normal forum name to use, but some of the most prolific ANGs of our time and in the past have utilised the devastating effects of a stupid or l337 name with little semblance to an actual title, in the brute show of force approach.

e.g. L33tz0rSn|p3r92, CrOuChing SnIpEr HiDdEn CaMpEr or something like M4sRuleOK

Step 1; Exaggerated first post

It is essential for ANGs to announce their existence to a forum by posting an initial post expressing an interest in the sport. This post, however, is to be the most over hyped and exaggerated post in history, with your enthusiasm levels being at an all time high, despite the fact that you have never held an airsoft gun, let alone played a game with one. It is acceptable to build up this enthusiasm over a number of posts, or in the case of late bloomers, even across numerous threads. This is common for people who, due to age or financial restrictions, cannot play the sport for sometime, with a steadily growing amount of over enthusiasm.

WARNING TO FORUM VET'S; This is the early stages of ANGism and for alot of people is not a problem. Whilst you may find this over joy of the sport annoying, being a cynical prick like myself, others will most likely see it as enthusiasm and will encourage it. Whilst you know best, being negative towards the ANG at this early stage will most likely get you called Elitist or will invoke Godwins Law towards you. You have been warned.

Step Two; Ask Annoying Questions

Now the ANG in training will continue to bloom like a festering weed if left to its own devices. By this stage it may or may not have played a game and may have even more annoying over joy for the sport.

The ANGs at this stage will begin to ask annoying questions, completely ignoring helpful posts titled "MUST READ" and stuck in place for all to see. Questions such as "is this ridiculously over priced trade me gun any good?" or "Which is the best make of M4 out there?" Or "Where is the cheapest place to buy this random gun noone likes". We all know these questions, we have all read dozens of them, hell we probably asked a few ourselves when we were new.

But the difference is, that the ANG will persist. We will tell him what it is he needs to do, such as see his armour etc, or wait to try a few guns before deciding, but he will continue to persist like a pubescent teenage boy harassing his first girlfriend for a little sugar. He will post about how he just wants to know if this is a good gun etc and completely ignore any advice given.

Be advised, as above this is early days and many of your more tolerant forum brethren may not be sick of this person yet, so hold steady or the Nazi calls will come a flying your way.

Step Three; The Pointless Thread.(Optional)

Most ANGs, for some bizarre reason, will feel the need to ask if anyone has played airsoft without actually using airsoft guns in some fashion. They will ask about some strange means of propelling BBs towards the opposition.

e.g; As a kid, I use to use my spoon to flick peas at my sister at the dinner table, and I was thinking, could you do that for airsoft? HAve any of you tried this? It would be funny as! LOL ROFL

Why they do this is unknown, perhaps in some attempt at humour. In any case, it does seem to happen with enough occurrence to warrant a mention.

Step Four;The emerging Post Whore

This is the point where the ANG really begins to grate on the nerves. It will appear that no matter what the subject matter of a thread, the latest post in that thread will almost always be from the ANG. It does not matter how little he knows on the subject, he will have something to say on it. Even if it is only "yeah lol, I agree" he will say it. It is now that even the most laid back forum user will begin to complain to others of the ANGs actions.

Now one cannot really blame the ANG for this behaviour. One must always bare in mind that there is a high likely hood that he will consider alot of posters to be friends by now, and will almost feel like he fits in. This feeling of having someone possibly thinking he is cool and has a life will most likely be new to the ANG and as such he will be spending his entire waking life on your forums. One can only but feel sorry for these sad souls.



Step Five; Offend someone of far greater value than youOptional.

It is at this stage of the ANGs evolution that someone will snap and tell them to pull their head in, most often a older player or even a mod.

Now it is completely possible that the budding ANG takes this on board and manages to stop his behaviour right there...

"Hi everyone, Im Paul AKA AksR4Me. I'm a recovering ANG. In the last 3 weeks I have only posted ten times and only offended one person.." Claps all round....

Alot of ANGs will just ignore this word of advice and carry on down the path of degradation. A select few, however, will turn around and retort towards the older poster, who is in reality doing them a favour, with vengeance and righteous fury. It can be anything from immature lashing out, to a attempt at a thoughtful or even witty reply. This will further entrench him against the entire forums community at large.

e.g; MOD "Hey mate, your starting to get a bit annoying with the constant posts, could you just try and think "is my post worth it" before posting?"

L337_Pistol_Boy007 "Well in reality all my posts are worthwhile. I try my utmost to make sure that I utilise my intelligence in only a way that can improve these forums.

Infact, it is YOU who needs to watch their posts. You know, there is a little thing you can download, it will do you a world of good, its called a life..."

MOD *ban*


Step Six; The all Knowing ANG

The ANGs who have lasted this long will be well and truly on their way to infamy by now. Now they have reached the stage where they are truly hated by all.

The Know it all Stage.

By now, the ANG will have a post count as high as the empire state building, and due to having posted more than 99% of the forum users, they will start to think their comments bare more weight and value. As such they will go around acting as if they know all and we all know nothing. They will often act as if the forums are a right as sacred as the right to breathe and will feel the need to impose their apparent know how upon everyone.No question shall go unanswered by the ANG. Who cares if mister post count;15 has been playing for 20 years, he obviously doesnt know as much as the ANG with a post count of 3000 and two whole games experience, otherwise he wouldve posted at least 2000 times telling everyone he knows so much due to 20 years experience. Duh.

Step Seven; The Neg Rep Button

By this point everyone on the forums is fed up with the ANG and has resorted to the Rep tool to inform them. And of course the ANG will be outraged at this. How dare people tell him how to act on the forums in secret, what prick would do such a thing instead of just telling them out right. What the ANG has forgotten that people DID tell him about 1000 posts ago and he ignored them. Every neg rep will cut the ANG deep and he will be a bitter confused forum user( or this could be due to the fact he is only just starting puberty).

Every other post made by the ANG will be rather emo, complaining about how his last post received neg rep and noone likes him. This realisation will prove to be a major part in the ANG moving on into the next stage oh his development.

[Step 7.5: Balls out
"This is where the ANG goes out in an absolute blaze of glory, picking a fight with one or several Vets/Mods in the most ridiculous thread in AO history. Usually ends up with the ANG being perma-banned, and the entire thread being secured in the illustrious Hall of Infamy."
- Torque]

Step Eight; Acceptance, moving on.

The blatant hate the ANG has taken on board normally hits home about now, or there will be new ANGs on the forums taking the heat away from him. As such the ANG will slowly post less and less, and people will grow to forget him as they slander other ANGs. Over time the ANG will develop into a nearly normal forum user, with only a wee bit of stigma left over form his glory days of old, where he made 1000 posts a month, had only ever played two games and hadnt yet kissed a girl. Forgotten, the ANG hands over the crown and moves on, to be occasionally mentioned at games followed by laughs and comments about the diminutive length of his manhood.


And there you have it! My guide to being a first class ANG! I hope you enjoyed this little comedy piece, and if not, STFU, you probably got no life anyway I hear you can download them on the internet these days... Maybe some people on here should read this :P
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Comments

  1. Old
    MARS's Avatar
    And this is why i rarely ever post, to avoid such a thing.
    Posted 07-06-2010 at 12:37 AM by MARS MARS is offline
  2. Old
    D-Boy's Avatar
    ANG = Air National Guard?
    Posted 07-06-2010 at 07:17 AM by D-Boy D-Boy is offline
  3. Old
    Tzar9k's Avatar
    Great post. I cracked up laughing reading this thing. It's too true.
    Posted 07-06-2010 at 09:22 AM by Tzar9k Tzar9k is offline
  4. Old
    Zero's Avatar
    Thanks for the how-to kong! I can't wait to get started again!
    Posted 07-06-2010 at 09:30 AM by Zero Zero is offline
  5. Old
    NH_Nitemare's Avatar
    Absolutely hilarious. I am not sure how old it is, but you should update to include the premise of tactical knowhow via COD or HALO.
    Posted 07-06-2010 at 10:25 AM by NH_Nitemare NH_Nitemare is offline
  6. Old
    CaineHazen's Avatar
    Zero... you ever quit?

    Posted 07-06-2010 at 11:13 AM by CaineHazen CaineHazen is offline
  7. Old
    Torque's Avatar
    This makes me weep with laughter every time I read it.

    Kong, I think you missed one possible branching step. It's at about step 7.5. This is where the ANG goes out in an absolute blaze of glory, picking a fight with one or several Vets/Mods in the most ridiculous thread in AO history. Usually ends up with the ANG being perma-banned, and the entire thread being secured in the illustrious Hall of Infamy.

    Browncoat, you still out there?? LOL
    Posted 07-06-2010 at 12:08 PM by Torque Torque is offline
    Updated 07-06-2010 at 12:11 PM by Torque
  8. Old
    eviljoe's Avatar
    Kong....dude....you crack me the F-up. LMFAO!

    But...this is all so true.
    Posted 07-06-2010 at 12:33 PM by eviljoe eviljoe is offline
  9. Old
    mr_kong's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Torque
    Browncoat, you still out there?? LOL
    Remember, he changed his ways and his username to Vader. I'm not sure if he's around though...
    Posted 07-06-2010 at 02:05 PM by mr_kong mr_kong is offline
  10. Old
    allenspidey's Avatar
    This blog encouraged me to read the hall of infamy. Classic. Thanks.
    Posted 07-06-2010 at 03:15 PM by allenspidey allenspidey is offline
  11. Old
    Texx's Avatar
    Frawress Victoly, Kong....
    Posted 07-06-2010 at 07:09 PM by Texx Texx is offline
  12. Old
    Reaper's Avatar
    This reminded me of 'how do I cox my mom'
    Posted 07-06-2010 at 07:28 PM by Reaper Reaper is offline
  13. Old
    M0nk3y's Avatar
    Kong, you clearly still need a girl
    Posted 07-07-2010 at 02:58 AM by M0nk3y M0nk3y is offline
  14. Old
    NegSpace's Avatar
    Where do I fit in all this? I gotta know.
    Posted 07-09-2010 at 05:49 PM by NegSpace NegSpace is offline
  15. Old
    Panda's Avatar
    Cough cough (tango on evike) cough hack sneeze what was that? Haha reminds me of reading Deamon on the HoF. Really? Hurting his "homies" with his R6 trying to leave teh bloodiest mark.
    Posted 07-11-2010 at 10:53 PM by Panda Panda is offline
  16. Old
    Asian-Airsoft's Avatar
    Sir I politely disagree with you when you say that most new people to the fourms have never held a gun before. I also ask why you insult me for my heritage
    Posted 09-15-2010 at 09:25 PM by Asian-Airsoft Asian-Airsoft is offline
 

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