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Evony and the Naked Truth

Posted 02-04-2010 at 02:45 PM by gertrude
This post is sort of PG-13. So. Try to keep the wee-ones away from it. It's not bad, but if you mind someone reading about "t*ts" then you probably shouldn't read this.

Right now I'm listening to my boyfriend do some World of Warcraft research. He's doing a pretty interesting project: Find and record two hundred middle-tier kills of Professor Putrecide (normal) and see what the distribution of tanking classes is, so we can compare them to the distribution in earlier patches. If you don't play WoW, don't worry, because that's the end of me talking about WoW.

The one thing he's having to put up with, that we all put up with, is web ads. There are a number of different types, right? They all want you to click on them, but there are the ones that have little games in them, the ones that promise you a free iPad (No thanks, really, I've got plenty in under the sink for "that time of the month"), the ones that want to send you back to school, and the ones that pop up, get really big, and then proceed to give you a half-screen commercial of such things as a new Chrysler or Jell-O Pudding.

There's a general rule in advertising that says, however, that what you advertise in pictures you actually have to deliver on. No one wants to be promised a beautiful new car and receive a Pinto. (For you young 'uns, I'll just say that the Ford Pinto was a car that was known to blow up if something hit its bumper. Awesome, huh?)

That's why Evony and its internet ads are so disturbing. Evony's ads have a disproportionate amount of skin on them considering what they're advertising. Usually with that much skin in an ad, it's redirecting you to something like a "personal moisturizer" website or an honest (or not so honest!) web pr0n site. Yet Evony, which claims to be the largest web-based MMORPG, is just an MMO. It doesn't have detailed pictures of its characters, and those characters are certainly not shown naked. I can get my WoW character more naked than those chicks. (Okay, I lied, I just mentioned WoW again.) According to friend reports, you can't even say the word "tits".

I admit freely to being someone who wondered just how much flesh a game like this offered. I went to Evony's site, created an account, and was not surprised to find that yeah, it's kind of boring, and no, there's no skin. At all. Whatsoever. Nada. I mean, I'm a chick, and I was lured in with maybe not the promise of flesh, but lured in by the curiosity about how much flesh would be delivered by that promise. The game's ostensibly free, isn't it? At least to look. It's joined the ranks of other Facebook and Myspace games like Farmville and Sorority Life and Mafia Wars in offering pay content, but I've been told that no matter how much you pay, you're not getting any more skin to look at.

So it seems that Evony is trading in on the most classic of bait-and-switches. There are thousands of games out there that have more breasts in them, yet Evony seems to want to fool you into getting to their site just so they can get you to play a game with no tits. I mean, that's about as un-American as it gets. If ye should promise tits, shall ye not give them?
Tags: video games
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Total Comments 17


  1. Old
    Grease Man's Avatar
    I just lost 3 minutes of my life I can never get back, thanks Kate
    Posted 02-04-2010 at 02:58 PM by Grease Man Grease Man is offline
  2. Old
    gertrude's Avatar
    It took you three minutes to read that?
    Posted 02-04-2010 at 03:00 PM by gertrude gertrude is offline
  3. Old
    I agree, I'm just glad that someone else hates them as much as I do.
    Posted 02-04-2010 at 03:03 PM by Behindyou Behindyou is offline
  4. Old
    Teddy Bear's Avatar
    actually you can't say "cheat" and that's it, but yes... you can say ti.ts I actually had a convo that included those today on there. It dose get very boring though..... very, but I have a boring day, so it helps a little bit
    Posted 02-04-2010 at 03:06 PM by Teddy Bear Teddy Bear is offline
  5. Old
    Oh and I'd like to hear the results of that project...
    Posted 02-04-2010 at 04:10 PM by Behindyou Behindyou is offline
  6. Old
    knightmare's Avatar

    This about sums it up.
    Posted 02-04-2010 at 05:29 PM by knightmare knightmare is offline
  7. Old
    RNA's Avatar
    Posted 02-04-2010 at 05:45 PM by RNA RNA is offline
  8. Old
    Son of Liberty's Avatar
    Lame blog..interest level = -1000000000000000 repeated.
    Posted 02-04-2010 at 07:43 PM by Son of Liberty Son of Liberty is offline
  9. Old
    gertrude's Avatar
    Hey, SoL, see what I did there? I mentioned naked stuff and tits and I didn't actually show you guys anything. I should work for Evony.

    Also, Knightmare: Yes, Epic indeed.
    Posted 02-04-2010 at 08:54 PM by gertrude gertrude is offline
  10. Old
    Loyalist42's Avatar
    Heh. Evony's an interesting concept. It technically is a strategy game, and it is (sorta) in real time. But yeah.

    As for the the ads, I heard tell the company was getting sued. Scuttlebutt has it the flesh shown was all lifted off the covers of softcore pr0n DVDs. If it actually went to court, it'd be hilarious to watch...
    Posted 02-05-2010 at 02:17 AM by Loyalist42 Loyalist42 is offline
  11. Old
    Texx's Avatar
    Excellent Blog, Kate!
    Posted 02-05-2010 at 02:31 AM by Texx Texx is offline
  12. Old
    Kawaii's Avatar
    I did this myself to be disappointed that there where no boobs anywhere in the game.
    Posted 02-05-2010 at 09:10 PM by Kawaii Kawaii is offline
  13. Old
    Gerber's Avatar
    It's like movie titles that have nothing to do with the movies story line. Like 12 Monkeys. Friday the 13th.....with like 3 parts. The Squid and the Whale. I think we get the point. Oh and of course XXX. No one likes false advertising!
    Posted 02-06-2010 at 02:20 PM by Gerber Gerber is offline
  14. Old
    What can I say here that hasn't already been said. Gerber had it nailed: movies sometimes have names that have nothing to do with the story and advertisement banners often show and say things that have nothing to do with the product being advertised. Evony and it's damn banner adds really aren't that out of the ordinary, but If we're ever gonna' have a conversation about false advertising then we might as well start here. Thanks for posting, Gert!
    Posted 02-07-2010 at 12:30 PM by Rain Rain is offline
  15. Old
    Gerber's Avatar
    Lets see how many misleading are on the Super Bowl.
    Posted 02-07-2010 at 02:14 PM by Gerber Gerber is offline
  16. Old
    Yes, there were some misleading ads in the super bowl. One off which involved stealing Doritos and then getting killed be a samurai made out of Duritos.
    Posted 02-08-2010 at 07:12 PM by Rain Rain is offline
  17. Old
    gertrude's Avatar
    That's the only one I really remember well. I only watched maybe the last half of the fourth quarter (enough to see the pick) and that was it. I think Superbowl ads are more focused on being entertaining, though. I'm pretty sure if you wanted to, you could dress up in Doritos... I just don't know if you could use it like shuriken. (This sounds like a case for the Mythbusters.)
    Posted 02-08-2010 at 08:19 PM by gertrude gertrude is offline

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