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I love you, Dad.

Posted 11-17-2010 at 09:19 PM by Kitten
Updated 07-27-2011 at 11:17 PM by Kitten
Only a few of my closest friends know about this on AO, but I've been really torn apart by this lately and I think writing this will help me organize my thoughts.

August 2009, my dad went into the doctor because he discovered blood in his urine. The doctors thought it was just a simple kidney stone. After weeks of testing and so on, in September of 2009 he was finally diagnosed with stage 3 bladder/prostate cancer.

Upon hearing the news, i was instantly heartbroken. My dad and I had always spent a lot of time together and were almost always doing father and son things together. He usually worked from home with the occasional business trip out of town, so I was usually right by his side. We'd always be doing something, from building random things in the shop to going to the shooting range or boating or fishing or anything of the sort.

Obviously, all of that was going to change because chemo started in October of 2009.
The months tumbled along with the incessant torture of the unknown, not knowing what the end result might be and the final outcome of everything that was happening. We stopped having the opportunities to do the same things together as we used to because the chemo makes you physically and psychologically weak.

February 2010 it was decided the only way to stop the cancer from spreading would be to remove the bladder and the prostate via a very invasive and complicated 10 hour surgery. Fortunately, the surgery was carried out by a leading edge technology, state of the art robot controlled by the surgeon, lessening the invasiveness and the overall pain inflicted on the patient.

So, after the final goodbyes and the tears that followed, i said goodbye and sat in the waiting room for a straight 10 hours and reflected on the good times and bad shared with my dad. There is no way he could have done a better job being a dad for me and i thank him with everything I've got for it. Now on to recovery.

It was a long week afterward that he sat in intensive care starting his recovery, and then a long 12 weeks in bed afterwards trying to comfort him with the pain, loneliness and sadness from the medical limitations he'd be suffering. These limitations include being able to lift a certain weight and doing other strenuous activities. I wont disclose the reason specifically why, but feel free to PM me if you really want to know. The only thing i could do was to let him know he'll be back on his Harley soon.

After the surgery things were starting to look better and we could start doing most of the normal things we'd normally do. He managed to finally get back on his motorcycle, which riding it was one of his most favorite things to do. Seeing him get back up on it and go for a ride gave me a glimmer of hope and yet a hint of sadness, recalling all of the things he had been through the last few months and the struggles he had been though. It was definitely tough, but he's a fighter.

July 2nd, 2010 he went to the hospital for a scheduled test/scan when they found lesions on his spine, which means it spread from his prostate to his bones in his spine. So, HERE WE GO AGAIN...after weeks of tests and concurring and ball scratching done by his doctors about what to do and what treatment to start... Chemo starts.. again.

Turns out, our great doctors of the tristate gave him the wrong chemo treatment because they didnt know what else they could give him. The treatment they wrongly gave him, (which was later found out to be the use for breast cancer patients?) caused severe bone pain and discomfort which hospitalized him, again.

After a fun day in the ER, it was decided my dad would abort the treatments until they could find something else, because if he had continued on the other treatment, it would have killed him.

In case you don't know, chemo is a drug that attacks all cells, but particularly certain cells. If you give the wrong treatment, you attack the wrong ones which can cause tremendous pain if not death.

At this point, the doctors here had no idea what to do and what path to pursue next, because once the cancer reaches the spine, it can spread very fast making the patient technically terminally ill if not treated.

Now that, was a gruesome two weeks. Being told doctors can't find a treatment and that your dad was terminally ill... sounds great?

After having so much faith in God to take care of my dad and to watch over him throughout this whole thing and then to have it come back, crushed me. I started losing faith and questioning my beliefs, which is another big story not meant for AO.

My mom then started trying to contact labs out of network to try to find anyone who could help. It seemed like hope was lost after the days kept passing with no response until a lab from New York called Wiesenthal Labs called saying they could help.

Long story short, my dad flew to New York City and was able to find another treatment that would actually work this time. Obviously, this was a huge relief to me and i was never happier. He started treatment last month sometime.

The problem: The insurance company denied payment for any treatment out of network. Now, you can't put a price on life.. but we're talking hundreds of thousands of dollars here. So here we go to start the fight with the insurance company, essentially playing God and saying what they will allow to be covered or not. The decision to sue is still pending..

Back to the main point of this, my dad came to me and apologized for not being able to spend any time with me. The whole situation tore me apart emotionally and I don't know if i can write anything that can fully express or help you to understand how i feel. I love my dad, and he's a fighter. He told me he wishes he could come play airsoft with me and it kills him that it's physically not possible right now.










I love you, Dad.
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Comments

  1. Old
    Coalminer's Avatar
    Hey man, stay strong and just dwell in the fact that God really does have a plan. You've got the prayers of many with you, and your dad.

    With brotherly love.
    Posted 11-22-2010 at 09:26 PM by Coalminer Coalminer is offline
  2. Old
    *Rooster*'s Avatar
    Stay strong man, there is nothing better than to talk to God during the tough times in life.
    Posted 11-23-2010 at 10:35 PM by *Rooster* *Rooster* is offline
  3. Old
    vern's Avatar
    My thoughts and prayers are with you as well. Being that I lost a very close uncle (I know its different but he was also like a father to me) to leukemia- I know what you're going through. Good luck and my God bless you and your family. I wish your family and your father the best of luck my friend.
    Posted 11-24-2010 at 04:27 PM by vern vern is offline
  4. Old
    Warpig07's Avatar
    your father sounds like a tough man. I had an older friend in my church that lost her battle to cancer around the time your father visited the hospital. It was a rough road for her leaving behind two children and her husband. I hope her and god will work a miracle out for your fathers battle with the insurance and cancer
    Posted 11-24-2010 at 05:57 PM by Warpig07 Warpig07 is offline
  5. Old
    you will be in our prayers
    Posted 11-24-2010 at 10:23 PM by dumple dumple is offline
 

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