What really happened on 11/12/10
Colossus was driving, he was the only experienced Warthog operator. I was riding shotgun providing navigational details and operational information. Ben was riding behind Colossus, scanning the sides for any form of movement. It was dark, the road was empty the houses were quiet. It was a typical patrol. After getting much needed supplies from 321 we set out for the LZ at 5 Dxtr and await pickup. As we rode on things seemed eerie..too quiet. While I was updating our GPS and SATCOM feed I saw headlights. Since we were only in a lightly armored recon version of the Warthog we were very exposed. We value movement and speed over firepower. I yelled out to Colossus to watchout, before we knew it we impacted another vehicle. We were under the impression that this sector was under UNSC control, we were about to realize our intel was off. My vision was blurry, luckily the air bag plus the recon helmet saved me from getting hurt too bad. I grabbed my rifle and fell out of the mangled mess. Colossus and Ben were already engaged. The combatants were unknown to me, we were in the open with limited supplies, limited ammo and virtually no way of calling for reinforcements. It became apparent that we were up against something big. Transformers. ****. Megatron threw the chunk of metal that we called cover and started firing pulse rounds at us. Fortunately enough for us we are highly skilled recon snipers. We started firing off anti-material rounds from our sniper rifle and began leap frogging back towards some cover. At that point we could hear more movement, there was AQ all over our sector. Then a light in the sky, we thought they were Pelicans but we were wrong. Remember those weird flying robot things from Terminator? Yeah it was one of those. **** got real. Within ten minutes our rifles clacked with the ominous sound of having no rounds left. Drawing my ninja sword I prepared to stab my fellow recon snipers and myself to go out with honor and not die by the enemy but that's when Jack rode in on an Ickran (the flying thing from Avatar) with a whole force of Space Marines (like from Doom) and a host of other cool things you see in video games, including but not limited to:
Master Chief
Jason Bourne
Jesus
Sgt. Foley
Viktor Reznov
Dimitri Martin
Thomas the Tank engine
Deuce and Dusty from MoH
Michael Westen
Bruce Campbell
The guy from Reading Rainbow
And Texx
We destroyed the **** out of the transformers, AQ and terminators. Marcus Fenix chainsawed the **** out of Osama Bin Laden, he ****ing cut his **** into like 4 different chunks and ate them, then **** them out within 30 seconds, it was ri-god-damn-diculous. It was a piece of cake. After the whole thing was over we called in MAC gun strikes and Napalm drops all over the place, **** got ****ed. But it was super cool. So cool we roasted ****ing marshmellows on the charred AQ bodies and then pissed then out, only to relight them to eat pork hotdogs on...haha take that (insert joke here about pork) I forgot, for those of you not cool enough to know what AQ means and for those not Tier One enough to speak only in acronyms it means Al Qaeda. Then super hot babes met us at base and we drank copious amounts of liquor and did other things that aren't PG rated.
The end...
And since I'm still recovering from the mild memory loss associated with the incident James Blunt's song "Matt Curnutte is amazing and saved the world from cosmic destruction" is about me and the events that happened...Zach Ault also went on to cover the song and it reached #1 on US and UK singles chart.
Master Chief
Jason Bourne
Jesus
Sgt. Foley
Viktor Reznov
Dimitri Martin
Thomas the Tank engine
Deuce and Dusty from MoH
Michael Westen
Bruce Campbell
The guy from Reading Rainbow
And Texx
We destroyed the **** out of the transformers, AQ and terminators. Marcus Fenix chainsawed the **** out of Osama Bin Laden, he ****ing cut his **** into like 4 different chunks and ate them, then **** them out within 30 seconds, it was ri-god-damn-diculous. It was a piece of cake. After the whole thing was over we called in MAC gun strikes and Napalm drops all over the place, **** got ****ed. But it was super cool. So cool we roasted ****ing marshmellows on the charred AQ bodies and then pissed then out, only to relight them to eat pork hotdogs on...haha take that (insert joke here about pork) I forgot, for those of you not cool enough to know what AQ means and for those not Tier One enough to speak only in acronyms it means Al Qaeda. Then super hot babes met us at base and we drank copious amounts of liquor and did other things that aren't PG rated.
The end...
And since I'm still recovering from the mild memory loss associated with the incident James Blunt's song "Matt Curnutte is amazing and saved the world from cosmic destruction" is about me and the events that happened...Zach Ault also went on to cover the song and it reached #1 on US and UK singles chart.
Total Comments 17
Comments
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IT"S beautiful!!!Posted 11-26-2010 at 06:44 PM by Carnival 
Updated 11-26-2010 at 06:52 PM by Carnival -
You left out the part where I went back in time and knocked up the Spice Girls, thus creating the most diabolically evil family of musicians since the Osmonds.
Posted 11-26-2010 at 07:24 PM by Texx
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Where'd you get the mushrooms?
Posted 11-26-2010 at 08:42 PM by Clark
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Were you trying my suppressant/stimulant test?
Posted 11-26-2010 at 08:49 PM by Soothsayer
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You watch too much TV.
Posted 11-26-2010 at 09:58 PM by Kitten
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I loved the story...the original one...
Posted 11-26-2010 at 10:07 PM by Phoenix
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This was the exact one, yet improved, from the night of the DW. The best since the first Harry Potter...
Posted 11-26-2010 at 10:14 PM by Swimmer 
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You don't understand man! You weren't there!
Posted 11-26-2010 at 10:25 PM by Carnival
Updated 11-26-2010 at 11:18 PM by Carnival -
at first i was like.. woah! but then i got to super hot babes met you at the base i learned it was just for fun, cause hot babe dont meet up at the base.. the meet up at the gas station before the base, so you take them to the base in style.. duh, lol but i enjoyed it
Posted 11-27-2010 at 01:16 AM by Cody Chaos
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Another fresh bowl of Matt's boner soup
Posted 11-27-2010 at 02:14 AM by Torque
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Most of the story is black markered out.
Posted 11-27-2010 at 10:01 AM by D-Boy
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you left out the part where you were captured and raped with sticks.
Posted 11-27-2010 at 12:06 PM by ilvfly
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Needs more boner soup.
And bacon.Posted 11-27-2010 at 05:55 PM by Desert-Fox
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I liked the part where there was writing.
Posted 11-27-2010 at 10:59 PM by scortch30
Updated 11-27-2010 at 11:03 PM by scortch30 -
I see what you've done there...Quote:I liked the part where there was writing
Posted 11-28-2010 at 01:15 AM by Desert-Fox
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You forgot to mention President Comacho and his AA12, Reb Brown, Antione Dodson, and Chris Costa.
Posted 11-28-2010 at 01:40 AM by knightmare
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Knightmare, you couldn't possibly add the big three to this story?.?...???.?
Anywho,glad the SPEAR members made it safely out of the situation. To the other driver, down in flames!Posted 11-30-2010 at 06:33 PM by HayStack
